Supporting a Family Member Through Job Search

My husband is engaged in job search and career transition.  After 22 years at the same company, he is on the outside trying to determine what he wants to do. What comes next?

Supporting him through this process is a lot more difficult than conducting my own search.  I was in control of my search.  The only person to be angry at when I wasn't active was me.  He owns this search and, even though I know just how difficult this process can be, I still find myself thinking of all the things he 'should' be doing.

He knows that networking is critical to the success of his search and I fully understand his resistance to doing it.  Knowing you should network and why is very different than actually doing it.  I recently sent out some staying in touch e-mails to people who have been firmly in my network.  I didn't get responses from three people who I count as 'in my corner'.  Not even an 'I'm busy and will get back to you as soon as I can.'  It was very discouraging.  So, how can I be frustrated by the networking he's not doing when I know how hard this is?  And yet, there's that voice in me that knows what he 'should' be doing.

What to do?

One of the first things I have to remember is that I'm the supportive partner, not the career counselor.  I recommended that he work with a colleague on his search which he thankfully agreed to, and the mere fact that he's following through in that process let's me relax a bit. 

I need to remember that we are all different, and just because I network doesn't mean he will, or perhaps just not in the same way I do.  So, I need to allow for difference and let him do this in his way versus mine.

One of the things I've always told clients is to keep their family in the loop.  This applies to the whole family.  Teens often worry about their parents job loss but don't say anything.  Let your family know what you're doing.  Tell them when you apply for positions on line.  Tell them when you go out to network with people.  You may not want to report in on a daily basis, so maybe you sit down once a week to talk about your progress.  There may be weeks you don't have much to report, but you can let them know you're doing what you can. 

You should also tell family what they are doing that helps you and what they're doing that may be getting in the way.  For example, if asking you what you're doing on a daily basis is making this tougher for you, tell them and assure them you'll keep them in the loop perhaps by setting up that weekly round up.  

As referenced in prior posts, join some networking groups.  This will insure that you have something to do and it's critical for you to be with others who don't have a vested interest in what you're doing and who can more closely identify with what you're feeling.

The key here is to keep the lines of communication open.  Let your family know what you are doing about your job search and, just as important, let them know how they can best support you.